I am in no way close to perfect. I have flaws just like anyone else. I am sensitive, sometimes overly sensitive. I look out for myself and sometimes in such a way that could be considered selfish. I am hard to get close to. I am vain..I mean I am really cute yall! :) Despite the many flaws, I acknowledge them. Some don't bother me that much, while others I know I would benefit a great deal if I tried to work on eliminating them.
They say the first step to working something out is acknowledging the problem, right? Check! I have completed the first step. Now I just have to set out an action plan to improve myself in some way daily. The best way for me I have found is to get closer to God and become more familiar with His Word. I am not talking about becoming Miss Religion. I feel that the views and actions of many religious people are indeed the opposite of what the Lord wants for his children. I am reading the Word, actively applying it to my life and waiting on His blessing of change. Wait, wait, wait. I am making the change..but with His help! I can't stand those people who know what they need to do and just sit there and wait for it to happen. I am making the changes I need to with the good Lord's guidance.
There are things in my past that I am not proud of, but there are many things I have done that define who I am. My biggest issue at the moment is learning to truly forgive and let go. My son's father consumes my thoughts daily. At least once a day my mind goes into a whirl wind of revengeful plotting and scheming. It is a waste of time! I know this! Still, I can't help to go back to that dark place. That is my biggest task..deciding and knowing how to keep out of that dark spot. "The past is the past." I have heard that so many times and I agree..but it is easier said than done. I am still hurt. I am still hurt that my son and I were disregarded so foolishly. IT will get better as time goes by. IT will get easier. I don't want to waste another minute of my time and thoughts on that ASSHOLE. I can put my energy towards something much greater. IT will happen. The Lord will show me the way. I am working on me. Repaving my road..so hopefully my future won't be as bumpy as my past.
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