5 words..

I was doing a little blog browsing tonight and I came upon one that only issues posts with a max of 5 words. Short simple and to the point. I couldn't do that on a daily basis...there is so much going on with me that would take more than 5 words to describe. But hey, why not give it a shot? I didn't even have to think real hard on this one. I think I may have to do this 5 word thing at least once a week :)

Boldly handling life's hard lessons.

Has it gotten to that point???

DATING....duhn duhn duhn!!! I decided I am emotionally ready to get back out there. I recently moved to a new city that I was expecting to have a lot more to offer, when it came to men, than I have seen. This city of mine, has a lack of black people...more specifically black men. Then again, maybe my expectations were to high. But anyways, the black men that I do see, guess who is right by their side...their white girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any problem with interracial dating! You fall in love with who you fall in love with. What I do have a problem with is black men writing off black women altogether for one reason or another. Now I see why so many of the black women I have seen are usually matched up with a male of a different race. OK so maybe that means that I need to broaden my horizons a little bit. I would be open to dating other races, nervous, but open. Still I have a few dilemmas.

• I am a shy lady when it comes to men. I don't think I have ever approached a man, in the romantic sense, ever in my life! I am a grown woman now though. I need to take action into my own hands, right? OK really, I know myself. That is not going to happen. If I approach a man he will immediately be placed in the friend zone. 

• Getting back out there...where is that exactly? I am in my mid 20's but I am a single working mother who doesn't frequent nightclubs and all that jazz. When I was in college it was easy to date. You met people everywhere. Now, I work full time, in a profession full of other women, then go home to my baby. I guess I need to expand my life. Church is an option...and then there is...

• Online Dating! I NEVER thought I would ever consider, need to consider, or be in the position to consider online dating. I used to think it was for desperate, unsocial outcasts. Hmmm... look at me now! Ha! I know I am none of those things but the way my life has played out, online dating seems to be a pretty good option for me. I will HOPEFULLY be introduced to be people who are in the same place as I am and skip all the B.S. of traditional dating. You know that B.S. that usually isn't a true reflection of the person, but you don't find that out out until you are already in too deep??!! Well I guess I have to change my view and say online daters are really just being smart about their time. I think I will still take some time to think about it. Plus I have to decide which site I would like to dive into first!

Bucket List

Recently I went on a retreat for work. We discussed different ways we can improve the company but we also discussed ways to improve ourselves personally and professionally. One of the activities was goal setting. Along with goal setting was the challenge to create a bucket list of 100 things. I figured this blog was a perfect place to start my list...

1. Become fluent in Spanish
2. Spend a week in Europe
3. Go to Mardi Gras
4. Write a book
5. Get my book published
6. Run a 5k
7. Run a 10k
8. Run a 1/2 marathon
9. Run a full marathon
10. Spend a week in Hawaii
11. Meet/Marry man of my dreams
12. Have 2 more children
13. Start my online business
14. Get my Masters degree
15. Learn sign language
16. Have a girls weekend with my mom, sister and grandma

Ok that is enough for now... to be continued

Church was ON today!

I am trying to grow a stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father. Going to church was not something I did on a regular basis in my childhood. It was something I started doing on a regular basis until recently. I am glad I am going. I am still looking for my church home but there is one I have found that I am really starting to like and will most likely continue to go there. Today the message was about being favored. The pastor talked about being favored isn't a choice, it is just a fact of the children of God. Whether or not we as his children choose to recognize the favor is up to us. I choose to recognize God's favor. I know he has done so much and is continuing to bless me. I have these big ideas. God was the one who brought me those ideas. I am trusting in him to help find ways to make those ideas come to pass.

I love when I leave church energized for the day, the week and all the challenges that may come up. With everything that happens it can become easy to start to lose my connection with the Lord. Right now I feel a strong connection and because of that I have a strong confidence in myself. I am ready for the week. I look forward to next week's service. I AM FAVORED! :)

Repaving the Road (Working on Me)

I am in no way close to perfect. I have flaws just like anyone else. I am sensitive, sometimes overly sensitive. I look out for myself and sometimes in such a way that could be considered selfish. I am hard to get close to.  I am vain..I mean I am really cute yall! :) Despite the many flaws, I acknowledge them. Some don't bother me that much, while others I know I would benefit a great deal if I tried to work on eliminating them.

They say the first step to working something out is acknowledging the problem, right? Check! I have completed the first step. Now I just have to set out an action plan to improve myself in some way daily. The best way for me I have found is to get closer to God and become more familiar with His Word. I am not talking about becoming Miss Religion. I feel that the views and actions of many religious people are indeed the opposite of what the Lord wants for his children. I am reading the Word, actively applying it to my life and waiting on His blessing of change. Wait, wait, wait. I am making the change..but with His help! I can't stand those people who know what they need to do and just sit there and wait for it to happen. I am making the changes I need to with the good Lord's guidance.

There are things in my past that I am not proud of, but there are many things I have done that define who I am.  My biggest issue at the moment is learning to truly forgive and let go. My son's father consumes my thoughts daily. At least once a day my mind goes into a whirl wind of revengeful plotting and scheming. It is a waste of time! I know this! Still, I can't help to go back to that dark place. That is my biggest task..deciding and knowing how to keep out of that dark spot. "The past is the past." I have heard that so many times and I agree..but it is easier said than done. I am still hurt. I am still hurt that my son and I were disregarded so foolishly. IT will get better as time goes by. IT will get easier. I don't want to waste another minute of my time and thoughts on that ASSHOLE. I can put my energy towards something much greater. IT will happen. The Lord will show me the way. I am working on me. Repaving my road..so hopefully my future won't be as bumpy as my past.

It happens..ONLY in the movies

Last night, my sister and I watch the movie Crazy Stupid Love. It was actually quite good. I wasn't going into  it expecting much but we finished watching it feeling a sense of calm. You know that feeling you get when you watch a movie, there are dramatic twists and characters just like there is in your own life. But then something weird happens in the end and everyone who has been hurt, beaten down and scarred can hug, laugh and love again. I know this sequence of events can take place in real life, but in the movies, they make it look so easy..and it only takes two hours to get to that place. LOL. Oh well I love a good romantic comedy. It makes me forget about my problems for a brief moment. I would suggest this movie to those who believe in love or just like to look at Ryan Gosling.

Getting Back to ME! I AM ENOUGH!!

When you've been cheated on it's hard not to look at yourself and ask, "Why am I not enough?"
I have been asking myself that question for about 9 months now. Don't get me wrong, outwardly I have told that boy he messed up the greatest thing he ever could even dreamed of having...I have been strong in front of family and friends..assuring everyone my self worth was never in doubt during all of this crap. But that was a lie. That lie, I think has prevented me from really making progress on forgiveness and moving the hell on. It has taken me these past 9 months to stop fighting with myself and let the weakness, insecurity and pain out. LET IT OUT...When you can let it out, you can let it go. Why wasn't I enough? Well I can ask that question now without fear of how weak it might make me sound. But now I can stand strong and YELL "I AM ENOUGH!" For the right man, RIGHT MAN being the key phrase, I will be more than enough. Of course I'm not perfect but I am enough. I questioned my beauty, personality, sexiness, everything about myself when I was cheated on. Now let he question be answered. I am BEAUTIFUL..inside and out..I am fine! I have a personality that is kind but also mysterious. I like that about myself! I am as sexy as I wanna be! I am a woman and I am enough. Fuck that ASSHOLE who didn't know until he lost me.

I wont lose myself. I may have let my passion slip a little since last December, but I am not lost. I just recently got my computer back and viewed some pics of myself that made me remember. I GOT IT! I have always had it. Not to sound cocky, but this beauty that I reflect on the outside is just as glowing on the inside. I got it! If I ever fill myself slipping again...I hope I can look back..or even just take a look in the mirror and get a true glimpse of a woman that is enough!